First of all, I need to apologize for not keeping up on my posts. Especially from those that have sent me the most awesome photos with the mugs from my blog/website. It’s not like me to acknowledge all the love but I’m in a challenging time in my life.
I have been wrestling about what I am about to share with you because at times I feel totally defeated but then I gain the strength to push through, learn, and adapt. When you love someone, that’s what you do… let me give you a little back story.
Years ago I gave up on love. I truly gave up on relationships altogether. Most of you know I divorced years ago after being married for more than half my life. There is not a time line as to “healing.” Especially when you barely are keeping your head above water by paying a mortgage, bills that weren’t even mine, and other costs. When you are a Mom your needs come last. Sleep is almost impossible and because I didn’t put the “work” into “me” I found myself in the same place I was while I was married. A couple crappy relationships with more narcissistic men, bad self esteem, and barely making ends meet. It was more important to be there for my kids and family then being super successful financially. Balance is difficult. I still struggle with it to this day.
A few years ago I HAD to look in the mirror. I had to figure out who I was? What brought me joy? Why did I keep making the same mistakes over and over? What did I want in life? You think by the age of 50 something I would know that. Of course not. Happiness to me was being involved with my kids, checking on my parents, and doing it over and over again. Being a Mom is the hardest job in the world, and I know I made tons of mistakes but I think I did a few things correctly because my girls are flourishing and learning from my mistakes I’m sure. I knew one thing for sure though, I knew my kids and grandkids made me happy. Real estate helped me through some rough times but unfortunately, the market was so unpredictable before and after covid. I was a stay-at-home Mom and worked “for fun” and for extra money and now it was just ME. I sucked. I was so scared. Eventually I was forced to sell my home and move.
Moving seemed so scary. Back then it seemed like a tragedy but relocating for me and my youngest daughter gave us a fresh start and a new perspective. Delaney was in college so she was away a lot of the time but It was when I landed in my little cottage by the sea is when I truly began to heal and work on my fuck ups. Looking within and treating myself as my best friend is what I needed to do to move on in this beautiful life. It is hard being a little selfish. Learning to set boundaries and sometimes saying “No.” That’s very difficult! I’m somewhat getting on track but I have to work on it every day. Eventually, my heart was open to love…. In comes Greig…
We met through one of my best girlfriends Jen. Jen wanted me to meet a surfer so we could spend even more time together! She would point out dudes and say “How about that one, or that one.” I rarely took her seriously because relationships didn’t go that well for me. I just wanted FUN. I know why now. If it stays shallow I do not have to expose who I really am. At that time I was getting somewhat stronger professionally but personally, I was a scared, battered, little girl. I seemed so strong on the outside yet so broken inside. Who would ever want me? Yet, I was working on listening to my intuition and if there were red flags I would say BYE. Eventually, I reached out to Greig on Instagram and we met for a beer and dinner.
Greig lived nearby. He had been separated from his wife and in the process of divorcing. Everything was delayed due to Covid 19 stuff but in his heart, he had divorced quite a while ago. He, like me, just wanted fun and companionship. Not a relationship. Then, I looked in the mirror again. I was not going to put much time into someone that just wanted FUN. Who knows what will happen… I had no expectations but I wasn’t going to waste precious time.
Long story short, and probably more details at a later date we are together. We accept one another for who we are. We have one another’s backs and are very committed to one another then Greig becomes ill. Initially, his physician took him off of work due to multiple health reasons and I was there to be supportive. The job he had was extremely stressful and it was taking a toll on him. Months later he didn’t return to work and was facing the same struggles I did earlier. Who am I? What’s my passion? He didn’t have to work a job that he hated to pay the mortgage and bills for his family. He had never thought “What do I want?” Eventually, those questions would not truly be answered because he was diagnosed with a chronic illness. So, the story continues…So do the heartbreak and challenges. Soon, I will dive in and write about this illness that has changed both of our lives…