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I’ve Kissed You 1000 Times Before Parts 1-8

Updated: Dec 13, 2021


Driving the highway to Fort Lauderdale  was something I was very familiar with.  It may have been an hour drive to meet you in person for the first time but we’ve been flirting on the phone and texting for a couple of months.  I was not prepared for what was ahead of me.....   The commute seemed to take forever.  The flat, straight lines on the road seemed to go on forever.  When I arrived to my destination according to the WAZE app I was more than ready to hop out of my #jeep.  Glancing out of my window I had a glimpse of you and it made me smile.  You were much more handsome in person and so tall.  When I walked towards you to introduce myself you reached for me and gave me a small kiss and hug.  I almost turned and jetted home!  Why?  I had de ja vu or something?  I felt like I've done that 1000 times before? I stepped back and actually saw a white aura around you,  I needed water! Someone get me a glass of water!  I felt like I already met you? Like I knew you?  What is happening ?  You asked me into your home to have a drink before dinner and all I could say was “ water!”I need water and I could barely breathe.  I needed to get a grip and compose myself.  Finally I began to relax because you placed your hand on the small of my back and said “ breathe now, it’s just the first-date jitters... you’ll be okay....  Part 2 Okay?  Whatever you say?  How embarrassing.  I’ve been looking forward to this date for weeks and when we finally do meet I have the urge to run, faint, and need water before I choke!  I took a few deep breaths and finally felt like I was back in the universe.  Maybe you can explain the glowing color around this perfect specimen of a man.   I literally felt like a 16 year old high school girl that has been trapped in a private all girls school and had permission to engage with a boy.  The difference is I felt so comfortable and somewhere in my soul I already knew this man.  Had we dated as kids?  Did I meet him when out with friends on a girls night and somehow stumbled into his lips?  (You know, that COULD happen) Maybe I’m confusing him with another man?  I needed to let this go and start enjoying the present, this moment.  While pouring me a Jack and Diet Coke he said the same thing.... Part 3 As I sipped my drink,  let’s be real here.  I chugged my drink.  This was literally the first time I wanted a cocktail to truly take the edge off.  Hoping as Jack and his sidekick Diet Coke burned down my throat I would become some sultry, well versed woman.  Of course not, I tended to giggle at every sentence he spoke and nervously twirled my pony tail with my index finger.  I must have had the same actions of Sandra Dee in Grease, snapping my gum, twirling my hair, and gazing at this man.  Oh my!  Eventually he took me on a tour of his beach house.  Everything was so organized, clean, had its “place.”  I kept thinking to myself that he has to have a maid or a wife that is out of town.  His home was decorated quite masculine but still felt homey.  He pointed out two bedrooms that were his kids.  A son and a daughter which were away in college. At this time he explained the house had belonged to his grandparents and was passed down through the generations.  He pointed out different things that he remodeled and walked me towards the master bedroom that I avoided entering by pointing to some abstract painting near the doors that opened up to a balcony that overlooked the sand. I was slick.  Avoid the master bedroom.  We passed a set of double doors that were closed and headed to the balcony.  Behind the double doors must be an office or something?  He led me to the balcony instead. The balcony was overlooking the sand of the beach and close by the slap of the Atlantic Ocean.  It was nearing sunset and I was looking forward to seeing the painting in the sky while the sun said its goodbyes for the day.  The orange and pink hues against the turquoise of the water.  I leaned over the balconies edge, took a deep breath, and actually relaxed in the moments.  Evan walked up behind me, brushed my pony tail away from the nape of my neck, put his hand on mine, and whispered to go grab dinner.  The hair on the back of my neck stood up and the butterflies in my stomach were a bit uncomfortable.  I welcomed knowing we were leaving to head to the restaurant.  He asked if I was okay to ride on the back of his motorcycle? Really?  I’m a complete blithering 16 year old in 50 year olds body and now I have to wrap my arms and legs around you?  Why why why did I wear jeans?  I answered “sure, sounds great.  Beautiful night for a ride.”  We walked through the house, past the closed double doors, and through a door that led to a stairwell which dropped us in a carport with a detached garage nearby.  What was in the closed double doors I thought as he handed me a helmet and walked towards his motorcycle.... Part 4 The motorcycle was matte black with shiny chrome accents.  If it were an animal it would be a Jaguar , sleek yet strong.  He grabbed a helmet for me and I clumsily hopped on the back of his bike.  Again, I felt like a teenager.  It made me recall my high school days.  I would purposely walk slow from school because I knew that a boy, Jay Wooten, would be driving by on his black moped and he would pick me up and drop me off at home.  We didn’t wear helmets back then which made it possible for me to snuggle up close to him, bury my head in his neck, and feel his shoulder length feathered hair tickle my face.  My stomach would be full of butterflies while I felt his body on the ride home.  Jay W. was my first real heartbreak as a young girl In high school and now I’m wondering if this gorgeous specimen I had my legs wrapped around would break my heart too.   We ended up st a small sushi restaurant on the beach. Literally on the beach.  It was a small, family owned sushi spot with a few tables inside and  four or five tables on the sand.  I took my flip flops off as I walked over to our table which was lit by a small chandelier.  Evan pulled my chair out for me and ordered us both a glass of plum wine.   He ordered for me which actually was a nice change.  Sometimes I really yearn for someone to take over for a bit.  To actually be THE MAN.  To show chivalry was not dead.  That it’s okay to let go of the “ I can conquer the world being a woman” guard and feel vulnerable and manhandled a bit.  To show chivalry is not dead!  To have one night of not worrying about how I was going to pay the next months rent for my daughters college dorm or pay my health insurance.  For just a few hours to pretend I wasn’t Super Mom but just me.  Just me.   Just me?  I was just learning who that was.  I had been married for 20 years, 2 kids ( a boy and a girl), I was a stay at home mom, and when my husband left me for one of his Temps at his office my self esteem was in the toilet!  Everything was new to me including dating, being the sole bread winner, and standing alone.  A night like this was what the Divorce Doctor ordered.  The night couldn’t have been going any better. night air was warm and the sand felt a bit cool on my toes.  I just listened.  Listened to his voice. When we talked  the conversation was with such ease.  We spoke of our kids, jobs, families, our break-ups.  I learned you raised your kids on your own after your wife disappeared with her West Palm Beach plastic surgeon and mine left me for an uneducated Office temp half his age.  For the first time in years I laughed about that match!  You helped me actually feel I was better off and a great catch!  My ex use to tell me no man would ever want me.  You reassured me that I was a beautiful woman and that any man would be flattered to have my attention.  Your voice was almost soothing and when I looked in his eyes I knew I was safe.   I could let my guard down and just be myself.   The conversation was easy.  We ordered more wine and I introduced him to a 50/50.  A 50/50 is half plum wine and half saki.  A delicious drink that balanced out bitter and sweet.  Our sushi rolls came and a couple more drinks for me.  It was time to leave because we were shutting down the restaurant!  Time flew by and I wasn’t ready for it to end.  As I stood up I felt tipsy.  He grabbed my shoulders and brought me close to his lips.  We kissed.  It came so naturally.  Our lips fit.  First kisses could be awkward but there was only familiar.  I felt as if I had kissed you 100 Times.  1000 Times. Little did I know that when we would return to your beach house I’d find out what was behind the closed doors of the room... Part 5 The drive back to your home was a bit of a blur.  Not from drinking but from my mind racing by thinking of what strategy I would use to get off this motorcycle and into my car.  I could foresee what was going to happen as sure as the sun that sets every evening.   We could not deny or try to ignore the electricity between us.  For once in my life I did not want to act upon what is right or wrong.  I’ve lived my whole life following every rule and doing the “ right” thing, doing right by my parents, teachers, coaches, bosses, husband and children.  Tonight will be just me.  Tonight will be two adults enjoying one another with no rules.  Our lives and our bodies were ours... a few hours of just doing what feels right.  Evan held my hand and we walked up the stairs from the carport.  I could smell the night air and feel the moisture in the air that you feel when living close to the coast. The air wasn’t warm but our body heat alone was intense.  I felt like I wanted to strip my clothes off and dive into the ocean.  Funny thing is I could totally picture myself doing that, trying to be some sex vixen, and in reality my shirt would get stuck over my head or my jeans stuck at my ankles!  Struggling to pull them off and boom!  Face first in the fine, Florida sand!  Probably a good idea just to inhale and exhale.  Breathe girl breathe.  Evan let go of my hand in the hallway and I stood there glancing towards the balcony... fresh air!  Go girl go!  Walk to the balcony!  One foot in front of the other! You did it! I made it to the balcony and just took in that moment.  The moonlight was glistening off the reflection of the water.  The sky was full of stars and at that very moment I saw a shooting star flare through the sky.  I made a wish.  Closed my eyes and then I felt him behind me.  I turned around, he grabbed my hand, and he guided me to the room behind the double doors.... My eyes widened.  My face flushed.  I couldn’t see that well because my eyes hadn’t adjusted but I did see a massage table and the flickering of candles.   Evan asked me to lay down on my stomach and relax!  To just relax.  That he would like to pamper me for a little bit.  What???!!!!???   Hold up!   You mean YOU are going to give ME  a bit of relaxation?!?  I briefly looked around the room and then jumped on that table!  I didn’t even care that there was 50 Shades of Grey paraphernalia on the walls!  Woo woo!  This guy was gooooooood and I was like putty in his hands.  Literally.  Music going, air mist blaring, lotioned up hands, and his touch!   I can’t think of the last time I had a massage let alone a gorgeous man performing it on me!   I let my guard down, kept my jeans on , and let “ Eager Evan” perform his magic... Part 6 The touch of his hands on my body was exhilarating.  Like I mentioned earlier it had been quite some time that I’d gone on a decent date.  I hadn’t had much luck, interest, or time to pursue a relationship.  My time  was spent being a mom, dad, daughter, sister, friend, and paying the bills.  I was tired.  Exhausted.  Disappointed by the few I dated and completely disillusioned.  For this moment though I’m going to put aside any expectations and just feel what’s happening in the moment.  In this exact moment his hands were touching the nape of my neck and gliding to the small of my back.  The lotion had a sweet scent but subtle.  I heard myself moan quietly as he rubbed each sore and tired muscle in my back.  With every touch I felt my mind and body float to a different plane.  At that moment I wasn’t a tired and sad single mom but a woman who was desired by a smart, sexy, gorgeous man.  I kept my eyes closed and soon his touch was followed by soft kisses on the nape of my neck and shoulders.  As he kissed my body he unsnapped my bra and and kissed the sides of my breasts...  hold up!  Is this happening?   Ummmmm yes.  Everything we tell our kids not to do I’m doing.  I met a stranger, got on a motorcycle, ate and drank A LOT, came back to his house alone, and now I’m practically shirtless laying in a 50 shades of grey room!  My God!  What was I thinking?  I’m battling what’s right or wrong.  Do I put a stop now?  Grab my things and run out the door or do I do something so out of character?   As he massaged my back and kissed me down my spineEvan whispered “Relax,  let me take care of you for a while.”  My shirt was off and I turned over and this time I pulled him towards me.  We kissed hard and deep.  I’ve Kissed his lips 1000 Times Before.  In another lifetime I believe he was mine...


Part 7

Everything was too easy, too perfect.  There was  no awkwardness or unfamiliarity.  For once in my controlled lifetime I decided to live in this moment, to break all rules, and to selfishly absorb what Evan was offering me.  I sat up and just took in everything around me.  I traced his tattoos with my finger and took in the curves, lines, and colors with a snapshot in my mind.  Let’s be real here!  Moments like THIS do not happen in my mundane, routine life!  My days are spent doing laundry, cleaning, getting the kids to their events, and then  the drive to my parents so they can babysit while I work the night shift at the hospital.  The only “ action” I see is what comes into the ER during my shift. Being a nurse during the wee hours of the evening is busy and entertaining but my schedule leaves no time for moments with a man like Evan!  My days and evenings off are spent helping with homework, more laundry, and precious sleep 💤.  Tonight my evening will be spent letting everything out that has been pent up for years!  As we kissed and held one another he pulled my jeans off and scooped me up in his arms and carried me to his bedroom... the 50 shades room was just an appetizer to the main course... bahahaha appetizer to the main course?  Did I just say that?  To be truthful I tend to overindulge with appetizers and pick at my main course when I go out to eat.  I’m definitely not talking about dinner here this time!  My main course and dessert is about to be served and I haven’t been to a “ restaurant” like this in ages!  ( I’m actually comparing this fling to a meal)

His bedroom...I can honestly say I barely remembered it because my eyes were closed as he placed me in the center of a massive bed. ..


Part 8


I could not open my eyes. I wasn’t sure if I was dreaming or not. If I was dreaming I told myself “ don’t open my eyes” because I’d find myself in my own bed. Alone. Somewhat. Of course my dog “Flex” would be there.


I rescued Flex the bulldog from the pound during a time when I spent way to much time at the gym. He had muscles, I barely did. Flex the bulldog went everywhere with me and slept in my bed. Figuratively he’s been the only male in my bed for the last 2 years. I was afraid to open my eyes and realize I was just dreaming about this moment in time. But, when I did open my eyes I saw candlelight, fireplace flames, and a Viking like figure offering me a glass of red wine and a kiss on my neck. This was not a dream. He was my reality. Evan took my wine glass from me and placed it on the nightstand. More nibbles on my ear and again, deep sensuous kisses. He undressed me with his lips and his hands. At this moment I knew tonight would be my special memory to savor in my mind. Tonight I chose to live for the moment and be present. This memory couldn’t be taken away from me like the majority of things from my adult life that was taken from me...






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